Resumes, Jobs and Dating - A Rambling Diatribe

One of the most entertaining parts of looking for a job is being creative with resume job titles and descriptions. Instead of "Bag Boy", I was a "Courtesy Clerk." I didn't "bag groceries" but rather "strategically packed items in an expeditious manner to maximize bag efficiency." Most recently, I performed major reconstructive surgery on the boring title of "Sales Associate" and transformed it into the highly skilled and obviously much more advanced title of "Advertising Sales Logistics Specialist." I'm sure HR recruiters can smell my bullshit from miles away.

Unfortunately all of my resume fine tuning means nothing because getting the job you want is 80% Networking, 10% luck and 10% skill. Actually, I pretty much pulled those numbers out of my ass. Bullshitting skills, good looks and intelligence should probably be worked into my makeshift pie chart as well. All I know is that the shotgun Internet approach to finding a job is not very effective. I need to break out my sniper skills and pinpoint specific jobs that interest me. Then I need to heavily research these jobs and patiently track them until I sense an opening. When the time comes.... BAM! I will take my shot and kill the interview..... OK, the sniper analogy has gone off the train tracks, but you get the idea. The real question is what do I want to do? Well...I like to snowboard, run, play softball, take pictures, travel, hang out with friends, go to movies, get drunk at festivals and meet new people. If you hear about a traveling softball photographer position in which snowboarding skill is the prerequisite, please let me know.

On to my next topic in the first post of my poorly organized, barely coherent, infantile stage blog: Dating. I had a recent epiphany: looking for a job and dating are pretty much the same thing. In both situations you're a little nervous before the event, you're trying to impress the other party and you're inevitably left feeling ashamed, embarrassed and with a strange itch that lasts for several months. Wait....ignore that last part. Anyway, I'm not experienced or skilled at either, but I've dabbled in both which gives me the qualifications to comment on this topic like a regular Dr. Phil. Here are a few pseudo-brilliant observations/tips:

1) Ask more questions than you get asked.

A lot of people go into job interviews with the mindset that their success or failure on the interview dictates their worth as a person. They try their hardest to impress their potential co-workers and in the process they lose site of the two way street that is intrinsic of a work environment. The point of an interview is not only for the employer to interview you, but for you to interview them. A job hunter should make sure that this is the right job for them and that this employer fits into their life, not the other way around. They shouldn't try and mold themselves to fit the description of the job position, but rather find out if the position is a sensible fit for themselves. This may seem like a logical mindset to have but I believe that a lot of people (myself included) go in with the win/lose mindset when they should really be asking is: do I really want to "win" at this game of job interviewing?

Wait, wasn't this section of my blog supposed to be comparing dating and job interviewing? How did I end up giving tips on getting a job? Wow, I have some serious issues with organization. This is my first real blog entry, so back off! Anyway, back to dating. When people go on a date they are essentially interviewing each other for the job of potential mate which could be marriage, one night stand, or somewhere in between. A lot of people forget this and jump into the assumption that they want/need this person as a potential mate. I think that people (including myself) need to take a deep breath, step back, relax and ask themselves "am I really interested in this person as a potential romantic partner or am I just trying to gain acceptance/validation/love from this person because the opportunity presented itself?" Obviously, a large amount of logic goes out the window when hormones and emotion are involved, which makes it difficult to think in this manner. A friend (who shall remain nameless) constantly gives me advice on how to "impress" and "win over" girls. He is not afraid to pick apart minuscule details of my date and attempt to convince me that I made the "wrong" move. Yet, maybe I'm not trying to impress or "win over" this lady friend. Maybe I'm still trying to get to know her to see if she is a right fit for me. This returns to the eternal question of "what are you looking for" which can be applied to both dating and job hunting.

Now that I have gone full circle, I can end this ramble of a post and give the proverbial middle finger to all of my English teachers who tried to force me to learn how to write logically organized and coherent essays which abide by rigorous manuscript forms and whatnot. Take that English teachers!